Valkyrie (or, “Schizo for Everyone!”)

Firstly, welcome to the Dolla’ Bin! I intend to use this column to review/discuss completely random comics that I happen to pull out of my long boxes.  You see, I  tend to buy comics based on pretty pictures.  If the cover intrigues me, I’ll pick it up without a second glance.  I’m never happier than when I’m crouching on the floor pawing through a box of cheap comics at a show, trolling for random treasures I didn’t know existed. The musty smell, the faded colors, the feeling of what-the-hell-is-THAT….bliss!  Come to think of it, I buy wine the same way.  Sometimes I pick a winner, and sometimes the next day I feel like I’ve been run over by a rabid donkey and I should probably try really hard to avoid looking at what’s on the pillow next to me.

Following up on a ridiculously fabulous HereosCon in Charlotte, NC, I have plenty of ammo in the Random Crap I Done Bought For A Dolla gun, so we’ll just reach in and pull one out, shall we?

Valkyrie 1 (Jan 1997), Marvel Comics

OK, I’ll be honest.  I grabbed Valkyrie #1 because I didn’t recognize this incarnation of the costume.  Tin boobs, yes, but the rest didn’t look quite right.  And the text on the cover…I think someone at Marvel found a new font they were dying to try out, and it doesn’t quite look right either. But a Pablo Raimondi cover is always worth a second look,  so  I had to know what The Big M was thinking with this one 13 years ago.

Other than trying to make sense of her post-Enchantress hanky-panky rebirth from Barbara Norriss’ mortal body, I got nothing.

Poor Barbara.  She thinks she’s going nuts because she keeps having dreams of being someone else, and they start to bleed into her reality.  Her nightmares turn into reality when she starts being able to predict death, and is stalked by a dark stranger who keeps dropping hints to feed her neuroses.  All of this seems to be a recipe for Crazytown, until her flying steed Aragorn shows up and she starts to remember.  After the almost-death of a friend and a battle with D’Spayre she tastes the rainbow and our favorite Iron Maiden is back in action.

While the story itself is basically solid (and I will ignore the forced AIDS Awareness and Drugs Are Bad, M’Kay attempts that reads like a bad hey-we-have-more-pages-and-a-social-awareness-quota-to-fill sign), I cringed at the fact that they felt the need to use two different artists and three different inkers  to tell the tale.  I’m sure there’s an underlying theme that the change in art is supposed to reflect her awakening, but the creatives aren’t different enough to really carry that point; instead it’s just irritating, like realizing you grabbed a Pepsi instead of a Coke.  And there are enough long golden tresses blowing in the wind to make Medusa wonder if she should sue for copyright infringement.

Basically, we have a semi-split personality being brought to life on the page by several different people, and none of them seem to know what the other is doing.  Just as long as they ride off into the disjointed sunset together and dust their hands of the whole thing.  When I finished reading it, I was actually more interested in a couple of bonus art plates at the back than flipping through the comic one more time to revisit anything.

*sigh* The sad irony is that the issue is beautifully dedicated to Mark Gruenwald, the legendary Marvel editor who suddenly passed just prior to Valkyrie‘s publication. He was the king of continuity, and keeper of every trivial detail.  I really wonder if he would even think this worth keeping track of.

But hey — pretty cover.

More From TheComicBookNerd

• Monsters
• Exquisite Releases Hi-Res Promo Posters from ‘Justice League XXX’
• Star Wars XXX – Axel Braun Talks Porn Parodies

Ask TheComicBookNerd To Recommend Your Posts